Hot Takes Vol. 2: Popular Games That Destroy Your Faith In Democracy!

By: Matt Alexander

Are you ready for another savage af teardown of semi-popular games? I don’t care, that’s what you’re getting!

Alien: Isolation- Crouch-walk through a giant spaceship as the distant relative of the real Ridley as you piece together an equally uninteresting backstory. Get mauled by human, android, and alien alike. 3/10

For Honor- Hack and slash and pour money into a micro transaction bottomless pit. The story sucks, but you’ll probably focus more on the many vacuous multiplayer modes. 5/10.

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Rocket League- Remote-control cars play soccer badly. It’s the perfect metaphor for the EU. Or maybe it’s just a bold idea that didn’t quite work. Oh, that’s the EU. 4/10

My Name Is Mayo– Mayonnaise. That’s it. -3.2/10

Resident Evil: Umbrella Corps– The beloved franchise here has no signs of life or un-death. The extras from the main games are better. 2.6/10

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Prototype- The gaming equivalent of dating a fat chick (which — I can’t believe I have to explain this — is shameful [Editor’s Note- pssst… he is single and ready to mingle ladies!]). The controls are less-than-good, and the grotesque violence gets old quicker than it takes to finish the trite cutscenes. 2.5/10

Stay safe out there, bros. Remember, friends don’t let friends play weak sauce games.
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