Day 23
By: Bryan Barrera
Like Olajuwon with a guard on him in the low post, I’m calling for the ball. The 23rd is mine. It’s been my favorite number since the first time I could pick a number to wear during organized sports.
The first two years of little league I had my number chosen for me. It was directly correlated to jersey size. The lower the number, the smaller the size. I wore numbers 3 & 5 respectively. Inconsequential in the long run, but factual nonetheless.
I turned nine and with my new found maturity I was allowed to choose the number on my jersey. 7? Taken. 24. Like the girl from the *NSYNC song: Gone. Mom, seeing the struggle I was going through, offered a tidbit of help, “Don’t you like Dave Justice?” Eureka! 23. I wore 23 (in baseball only) for the next 10 years or so.
Honestly, all of this is unnecessary, wholly self-indulgent and a preamble for the real topic of concern: Bryan’s Blurbs!
Blurb 1:
Can we talk about the run Vince Vaughn had from 2003 to 2011?
I mean, this dude was electric. It didn’t matter who his running buddy was (usually a Wilson brother or Jon Favreau) the guy knew how to spin the hits. He also pulled down, arguably, the best list of women to star opposite anyone in that same time frame. All very pretty because, well, Hollywood. But these are some of the leading ladies that you’d probably really enjoy coffee, dinner, a beer with, anything really.
Jennifer Connolly, Jennifer Anniston, Reese Witherspoon, Christine Taylor, and Isla Fisher is a strong starting five.
Blurb 2:
How to handle Christmas with the in-laws?
Don’t bring your shit to the table. Your spouse has enough responsibility and headache trying to justify why they married you. Be quiet, polite and only speak when spoken to.
Nobody wants to hear you tell them dinner is late. They KNOW dinner is late.
Blurb 3:
R.I.P. a piece of my childhood.
Youtube has ruined my life. The death knell? Seeing the isolated vocals to Mariah Carey singing her Christmas banger “All I want for Christmas.”
The voice is not aging so great and I’ve come to terms with the fact that the first woman I outwardly expressed interest in marrying has lost a step or 3. We’ll always have “You’ll always be my baby,” MC. #tearemoji
Blurb 4:
Every time I want to complain about the fashion of today’s youth, I remember I wore JNCOs.
Mom jeans are back. Ill-fitting clothes are the norm. Skinny jeans have given rise to acid washed, tattered, with denim so distressed as to be inconsolable. Also, normcore is having its day. If you don’t know what normcore is, it’s the anti-fashion fashion of the day.
Trying very hard to look like they aren’t trying. Like a good friend of mine once said about the store Urban Outfitters: It’s where rich people pay lots of money to look poor. Normcore is the physical manifestation of the essence of that statement.
Blurb 5:
Tay-Tay v. Beyoncé
I was going to question who was bigger but autocorrect just answered the question. When I typed in Queen Bey’s name it autocorrected with the accent mark above the ‘e’. We truly are just extras in the movie that is Mrs. (for now) Carter’s life. Sorry Taylor, talk to me when you’ve done halftime at the Super Bowl… twice.
HAPPY CHRISTMAS EVE’S EVE!
BROEST BROS YOU KNOW 