Avengers: Fantasy Football Wars

By: Viet Doan

It is that time of year again. All across America, virtual GMs are scouring their notes, coming up with the perfect draft strategy. Most participants come in with a sense of hope. Like this could be their year, the year where they prove to the world they are winners! Each year is a great new adventure, but last year was a most heart breaking season.

Danos hath come!!!

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Danos came and destroyed everything, without any regard for human life! Powered by an Infinity Forehead that goes on forever, he amassed a running back army the likes of which had never been seen before. The league banded together against this new treacherous foe, but many fell to Gurley’s incredible come-back season.

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Brave warriors like Matt Panther, Greg America, and Black Pow… Widow Mar… Black Ma…  Widow Powers[!]  stood up against the evil tyrant. Matt Panther even ate extra heart shaped herb to make himself extra strong. Unfortunately his allies, like Amari Cooper, failed to do much of anything for him.

Matt – Wakanda forever! Start Amari never!

Greg – Merica!

Matt – Where is your shield? I specifically had my men bring you a shield!

Greg – Freedom is my shield.

Matt – We fu****

Powers – Go 49ers!

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Chris Banner tried his best, but could not hulk out like he had in years past. A devastating defeat at the hands of Danos early on in the season left Chris shook.

Chris – Oh Farve! Danos has me just bamboozled. Rogers deserved that contract.

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Reinforcements would come, and late season rallies by Sor and Binh made things interesting. Ultimately, they were still not enough.

Sor – I will smash the skull of Danos into a billion pieces! And then I will smash those pieces into a million more pieces! I swear by the me of Asgard, I will defeat Danos!!!

Binh – I am Binh! 

B.G. Lyon – I really want to steal that Infinity Forehead.

After Danos’ reign of destruction, some would not even make it to the next season. They would be forever gone from the league, remembered as a ghost of seasons past.

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JonMan – I don’t feel so good…

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Now we start the season anew. Danos still has his all-powerful Infinity Forehead. Earth’s mightiest heroes will get one more crack at one of the most sinister foes to ever participate in the White Castle Fantasy Football League.

Who will win?

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Dr. Konrad – I see only one outcome where we beat Danos…

Iron V – …and by “we” you mean ME!

 

 

–TO BE CONTINUED–

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